watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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