The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
