Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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