Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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