the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize