so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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