Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
