I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
