I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The beer is more important than you right now.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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