I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize