My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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