yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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