At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
