This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
