guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I need water and some morals
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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