Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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