Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My hand turned me down
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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