i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
