just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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