Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
