there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
