I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize