My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I feel like death gave me a hand job
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
