Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
