hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
