if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We have started to decorate penises.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
