For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
