the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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