Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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