but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
