Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
