I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
