so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
