it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize