Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
