I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Sober January is a disaster.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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