Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
