I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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