i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
