I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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