drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
