The maid of honor just puked.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
