Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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