the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
