I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
