I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize