Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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