i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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