my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
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