help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
