I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
