a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
