maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
