Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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