Dual....:-)
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
