My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
