I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
