Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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