I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Pants are for mortals
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
