Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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