The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
