you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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