im about as happy as oj after his trial
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
vagina is talking i cant
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize