I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i will never coherently bang her
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
