Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
