The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
